AIRLINES: passengers behaving badly; are ‘aisle lice’ a thing?

These ‘aisle lice’ are new to me, but I love the term. According to an article in The Guardian, the term refers to passengers behaving badly on an aircraft, specifically those passengers show leap up, grab their bags, and try and streak to the front of the aircraft to be first off the plane. But it is also a good term for other bad behaviour by passengers.

Aisle lice, gate lice and baggage-carousel hogs

If you’ve flown recently, you already know the species. They’re the passengers who leap to their feet the nanosecond the seatbelt sign goes off, sometimes before, and attempt to sprint down the aisle, regardless of whether the aircraft door is open or whether the people in front of them have moved.

There is an unspoken rule of flying, that disembarkation proceeds row by row from the front row. Apparently for these ‘lice’ this rule no longer applies.

Why the need to be first?

The odd thing is that aisle lice rarely gain much, if anything, on domestic flights. They might get stuck at the front of Economy Class, by a vigilant flight attendant, or even more sprightly Business Class passenger. Even if they get past that, they still have to wait until the the airbridge attaches, and the front door is opened. It’s even more amusing when there is disemvarkation from both the front and the rear of the aircraft, and these lice sprint from the back of the plane to the front, unsuccessfully, actually voluntarily forfeiting their position in the query to exit the rear of the aircraft.

And yet, the behaviour persists.

Why it is wrong

Flight attendants quoted in recent media reports say it often slows down disembarkation, creating blockages in the aisle and making it harder for passengers with tight connections, or those who genuinely need extra time, to get off efficiently.

It’s also just plain rude. Unfortunately its also increasingly common.

It’s not just the aisle, either

Sadly, aisle lice are just one subspecies in a growing ecosystem of bad airport behaviour. There’s also:

• Gate lice: passengers who hover around the boarding gate long before their group is called. Thee is even a varient that tries to board before their group is called. Fortunately, technology usually thwarts this inbred behaviour
• Overhead-bin lice: Taking available space in overhead lockers at the front of the aircraft, when their seats are at the back.
• Baggage-carousel lice: the travellers who crowd right up to the belt, even when their bag hasn’t appeared, preventing anyone else from seeing, let alone retrieving theirs

If you’ve ever tried to reach your suitcase while a gazillion people stand right at the carousel staring blankly at identical black Samsonites, you’ll understand the frustration. I may have exhibited gate-lice like behaviour in the past, but no longer since I have priority status with most of the airlines I travel on

Airlines haven’t helped

The steady unbundling of airfares, charging extra for front-of-cabin seats, carry-on luggage and priority boarding, has turned what should be a routine process into a competitive sport.

When overhead space and early exit are monetised, passengers start behaving like they’re competing in a reality TV challenge like Survivor: Boarding Group 6.

Public shaming: the new frontier?

I’m onboard with the approaches of some countries outside Australia. In Türkiye, passengers who stand up or remove their seatbelt before the aircraft has fully stopped can be fined the equivalent of AU$100.

IAmerican Airlines have the right idea by publicly shaming passengers who try to board ahead of their allocated group. If they try, the gate scanner emits an unmistakable double beep to embaress that passenger.

Etiquette, enforcement and a little patience

We should look more towards the behaviour modelled in th japanese airline industry, whered ground staff bow to the aircraft as it departs, and cabin staff bow as they exit the cabin.

At a bare minimum passengers should obey the same basic rules. Stay seated until it’s about to be your turn to disembark, and retrieve your luggage from the overhead bins efficiently. You should start to queue when you’re boarding group is called. Finally, when collecting luggage from the carousel, stand at least a metre away. That way, more people can see their luggage. When yours appear, walk forward, grab your bag, and be on your way.

2PAXfly Takout

Acting with politeness and consideration of others, affects safety, efficiency and stress levels for passengers and crew alike. Sadly this attribute is becoming rarer and rarer through out the process of airtravel. I exhort you all to improve your behaviour. And as they say, shame others who misbehave if it is safe to do so.

Please don’t be or become any of these ‘lice‘

Unless you are late for your connection, you should neve be the person saying: “Mind if I squeeze past?”