HOTELS: This would be funny if it wasn’t true — Jake Lambert on ridiculous hotel light switches and airport security
I’ve just returned from 17 days away in South East Asia, staying in six different hotels. Now the level of accommodation went from five stars to no stars, with a few eco-resorts thrown in as well. All the hotels, except one, had incredibly confusing arrays of light switches.
Airconditioning craziness
Air conditioning was much the same. One hotel had a dial marked ‘High’ and ‘Low’, making you think you just needed to find the sweet spot between the two extremes to be in comfort heaven. No. There were no graduations. You could just choose ‘High’ or ‘Low’. Contrary to these labels, the fan speed increased when you chose ‘Low’ and decreased when you selected ‘High’.
We spent three nights under the doona (comforter) trying to keep warm, and this was in the tropics. ‘Just turn it off,’ I hear you say? Unfortunately, that would also turn off the hot water, and I do like a warm shower, even in the tropics.
That light that is not controlled by the ‘Master’ switch
Another common issue was the so-called Master switch. Now, forgive me for thinking that when you turn this on or off, all the lights in the hotel room will shine brightly or be dimmed to oblivion. No – na – no! There is always one lamp, or overhead light, or something that remains on, and requires you to get out of bed, cross to the furthest point in the room, to turn off using another switch.
And what’s with the aversion to labelling light switches?
The Narnia switch
Then, of course, there is the switch that affects nothing perceivable. Search high and low, but nothing seems to turn on or off when the button’s state is changed. Not a night light, not an outside light you can’t see, nothing. It’s just a haunting mystery. Maybe it affects a light in another dimension, or inside the closed wardrobe?
Jake Lambert understands
I thought I was the only one who obsessed about this until I found comedian Jake Lambert on Instagram. He just sums it all up. If you like this, then he has a few more up his sleeve, including a couple on airport security briefing, which are worth watching. Sample below:
2PAXfly Takeout
I find it baffling that hotels get the basics of guest accommodation so wrong. Not enough coat hangers. Reading lights where no one will read. Lights in bathrooms that perfectly light the back of your head, but are hopeless for shaving, or indeed putting makeup on. I could go on, but Jake already has.
Let’s just say, I am happy to be back home, in a house where an architect, briefed by us, designed the renovations to our liking. How lucky we are.
What did you say?